Thursday, September 2, 2010

As mortal humans being, most of us have, at some point, made a trip to the doctor's office.  That being said, most of us have also seen the perennial pain-o-meter.



Your abdomen hurts?  Good thing it's only mild-to-moderate, so we don't have to immediately remove your esophagus.  (You see why I'm not a biology major.)

My good friend Trish's reactions to the outside world can vaguely be rated along the same lines.

Here's a little scale I made to demonstrate Trish's emotive expressions:





I personally have found this scale already immensely useful.  Today, for instance, before interviewing a group of incoming freshmen, I wanted to test out my voice recorder to make sure it functioned.  Immediately I looked to sweet-faced Trish.  I turned on my voice recorder, and pressed record.

Me: "I'm going to ask you a few questions, if that's alright with you.  What's your name?"

Trish, amused:  "Go fuck yourself."

You see, babydoll Trishie bear had a lil' baby headache.  I would rank this reaction to the world a 1 on the anger-o-meter.  Nobody likes headaches, but most people like them more than the North Korean nuclear policy.  See how this grading works?

Here's another example:  one day, a certain professor was demonstrating a number of objectively unpleasant qualities - subpar intelligence, disagreeableness, and inefficiency.  After putting Trish through torture for hours, Trish may have accidentally rearranged some of the teacher's belongings (much like the time I accidentally put a twinkie [still wrapped, though] in my ninth-grade AP English teacher's chair).

This instance would be ranked as a 5 on the anger-o-meter scale, you see, because having an inefficient teacher is MUCH worse than having to fire a waitress, but anyone in their right mind would prefer to have one million inefficient teachers rather than not be able to watch Snookie on another season of Jersey Shore.

Whatta woman.

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